Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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