Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
