We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
