We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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