I puked a lego.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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