Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
