ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
