guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
