His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
