She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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