Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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