im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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