did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
