Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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