Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
