I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
