he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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