with your own penis?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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