arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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