So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
