the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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