3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
