I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just cropdusted the office
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
