just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
