There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
