I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
