Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
