I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
