How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thus making me awesome and them whores
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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