Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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