i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize