Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
