Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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