How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
