there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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