cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
