So drunk its hurt
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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