he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
