When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
