yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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