don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
