we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
