My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize