Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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