this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
