See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
