I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
