We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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