Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
