I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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