He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
