Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
