My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
