Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
