I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Boobs speak an international language.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
