You're completely useless in the revolution.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
