just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
