My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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