come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
