shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
