Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
