whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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