she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
