I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
