I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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