I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
