the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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