If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
