awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
