Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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