She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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